Unicycling

Well, folks, today I got on a unicycle. Can I pause for a moment and just say, “Owwwww oh fuck, oh fuck, I’ll never sit properly again, ow ow ow.”

I knew the unicycle was going to be a challenge. I looked at people doing it and thought, “Yep- I bet that’s going to require a bunch of muscles I don’t have properly toned.”

Let me say- of all of the circus arts I’ve tried, this one had me sweating the most the fastest. Oh, yeah. Before I even learned how to get on the thing appropriately, my hair was soaked. This did spark a comment as I was walking home from a friendly guy in one of my classes- “Oh hey! Your hair looks different! It’s nice!” My response? “Oh, thanks! It’s just really sweaty!”

Note to self- in the future, feel free to keep that one inside.

Second note to self- find way to mimic sweaty hair look without the sweat.

But back to my wheel of torture. I was too afraid to really put all of my weight on the unicycle at first, which led to me leaning as much weight as possible on the wall through my poor, defenseless left arm. And even through this method of terrorizing those muscles, I still ended up falling forward and backward repeatedly (and I mean repeatedly- I probably fell off of this thing over 50 times today). The thing is that when I fall, I almost always land on my feet, so that’s not so bad. No, the bad part is that the unicycle seat stays lodged firmly between my legs. So after falling 50 times, my crotch is aching. I have bruise patterns that nobody deserves. And even as I climbed right back on that silly half-bike I was thinking, “How on Earth do guys manage to learn this?”

For real. I can’t believe this isn’t a girl’s only skill. Sitting here right now I’m vaguely wishing I was straddling an ice-bag.

But come next week, I’ll be healed, and that unicycle won’t know what’s hit it.

*Spoiler Alert* It will be my crotch. My crotch is what is going to hit it.